Now that I’m not acting crazy I can accept feeling crazy once in a while.
Monthly Archives: September 2012
The only way out is through. The only way to heal the pain is to embrace the pain.
“Remember the old Chinese handcuffs thing,” a friend reminds me when I get stuck doing the same thing over and over, even though whatever I’m doing doesn’t work.
A Chinese handcuff is a toy, a small bamboo tube, about four inches long. You stick an index finger in each end. Then when you pull, you’re trapped. The harder you pull, the more stuck you get. Your instinctive reaction, not the handcuffs, keeps you trapped. To set yourself free you have to take certain steps. Letting go isn’t enough. You have to relax, then gently push in before you can pull yourself loose.
Sometimes taking action means relaxing and doing the opposite of what our instincts tell us to do. If we have tried to do something a hundred times, and the way we’re doing it hasn’t worked, it probably still won’t the next time. It may be time to try something else.
I’ve spent all morning doing any & everything to avoid this awful state of emotion. Kinda silly, ain’t I?
I, personally, have not accepted that it’s ok to have any emotions other than angry and happy. I can give a zillion reasons and stories to back that up, too. Ultimately, I choose to reject the human-ness of experiencing sadness, shame, and fear.
I’m going to sit and read out of a Sangha book, then spend 15 minutes meditating. I know that I need to surrender to my human condition if I am ever to achieve serenity. I even believe it. I’m just frightened of it. I can back that up with a bunch of stories, too!
Pray for me, whoever happens to read this. Whatever prayer looks like to you.