I’ve spent all morning doing any & everything to avoid this awful state of emotion. Kinda silly, ain’t I?
I, personally, have not accepted that it’s ok to have any emotions other than angry and happy. I can give a zillion reasons and stories to back that up, too. Ultimately, I choose to reject the human-ness of experiencing sadness, shame, and fear.
I’m going to sit and read out of a Sangha book, then spend 15 minutes meditating. I know that I need to surrender to my human condition if I am ever to achieve serenity. I even believe it. I’m just frightened of it. I can back that up with a bunch of stories, too!
Pray for me, whoever happens to read this. Whatever prayer looks like to you.