Category Archives: personal
Service call at 12:30am. Got home about 2:30. 3:30 now, wide awake. Work at 9am.
So, I bought a new car this week. A 95 Camry, this one a 4 door with a 3.0 V6. It’ll probably roll over to 52K miles tomorrow or Monday.
I’m in some sort of feeling mode, because all that money spent hasn’t sated me. I ran all over Appleton this afternoon, looking for a Star Wars Lego set to put together (almost bought the Star Destroyer kit… which is enormous). Now I’m thinking of running to the Walmart across town to look at their collection of Legos, and a jump drive for my car to play music from.
What am I trying to avoid? Retail therapy sucks.
A couple days ago, I got a notion in my head that I should do some Window Shopping Therapy. I ended up at Best Buy, & was browsing the used games for PS3.
For whatever reason, I started looking at the display of XBox Ones and PS4s. After half an hour of talking with two sales reps, I walked out with an XBox.
I couldn’t get my external hard drive to link up to it, & it wasn’t designed as a standalone media player anyways. Took it back the next day & brought home a Playstation.
PS4, I was able to get music & videos to play from the hard drive, eventually. It won’t play video files without an internet connection at all. The music files, it doesn’t read the metadata – which means absolutely no sorting whatsoever.
I’m probably (like 99% certain) gonna return the PS4.
Usually I won’t buy anything at all when I know I’m out on a retail therapy tour. This is why.
Humble and helpless and
Learning to pray
Praying for visions
To show me the way
Show me the way to forgive you
Allow me to let it go
Allow me to be forgiven
Show me the way to let go
Illuminate the way
I’m just praying for you to show me where I’m to begin
Reconnect to you
I’m going to try starting some New Stuff. I want to re-boot my life, in a sense. Starting with my recovery.
I decided to finish a book I began a while ago, The Tao of Sobriety.
I picked up where I left off (which is Chapter 2). One paragraph jumped out at me right away:
Some people successfully give up drugs without becoming particularly enlightened. They end up sober but somber! From our perspective they have only handled half the problem. The goal of the scheme we propose is to create positive effects that spread, creating satisfaction and appropriateness in all areas of life: self, family, physical health, finances, work, play, and community. Denying or avoiding pain and discomfort is not the same as gaining mastery over it or becoming light about life. Denial and avoidance can be side effects of drug use; enlightenment is the opposite end of the spectrum.
This is still a huge issue for me; I’m creeping up on ten years “sober but somber.”
I want very much to lighten up.