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Times of Reprogramming

Do not ask for love unless you’re ready to be healed enough to give and receive love.

Do not ask for joy unless you’re ready to feel and release your pain, so you can feel joy.

Do not ask for success unless you’re ready to conquer the behaviors that would sabotage success.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could imagine ourselves having or becoming – and then immediately receiving – what we wanted? We can have and be the good things we want. All good things are ours for the asking. But first, groundwork – preparation work – must be done.

A gardener would not plant seeds unless the ground was adequately prepared to nurture and nourish those seeds. The planting would be wasted effort. It would be wasted effort for us to get what we wanted before we were ready.

First, we need to become aware of our need or desire. This may not be easy! Many of us have become accustomed to shutting off the inner voice of our wants, needs, and desires. Sometimes, life has to work hard to get our attention.

Next we let go of the old programming: the behavior and beliefs that interfere with nurturing and nourishing the good. Many of us have strong sabotaging programs, learned from childhood, that need to be released. We may need to act as if for a while until the belief that we deserve the good becomes real.

We combine this process with much letting go, while we are being changed at the core.

There is naturalness to this process, but it can be intense. Things take time.

Good things are ours for the asking, if we are willing to participate in the work of groundbreaking. Work and wait.

Today, God, give me the courage to identify the good I want in my life and to ask for it. Give me also the faith and stamina I need to go through the work that must be accomplished first.

Source – Language of Letting Go

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12 Rituals Happy, Successful People Practice Every Day

The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.
―Ralph Waldo Emerson

Change is hard to deal with. Needless drama can be addictive. Relationships take a lot of work. In a nutshell, when it comes to working hard to achieve a substantial life goal of any kind – earning a degree, building a business, fostering a relationship, raising a family, becoming more mindful, or any other personal achievement that takes time and commitment – one thing you have to ask yourself is:

“Am I willing to spend a little time every day like many people won’t, so I can spend the better part of my life like many people can’t?”

Think about it. We ultimately become what we repeatedly do. The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing – growing happens when what you know changes how you live.

And isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different? That’s the power of daily rituals.

Here are twelve daily rituals for long-term happiness and success:

1. Exercise your integrity.
Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you are capable of. Communicating clearly and asking for what you want and need from people. Speaking your truth, even when others judge you for it. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your morals and values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe. And, of course, always doing the right thing, even when it’s hard, and even when nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.

2. Steer clear of drama and those who create it.
There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the needless drama and the people who create it. Staying out of other people’s drama is an incredibly effective way to stress less and smile more.

A good rule of thumb: If you can’t say it to their face, you shouldn’t say it behind their back. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, and small minds discuss people.” Life is much too short to waste time talking about people, gossiping, and stirring up drama that has no substance. If you don’t know, ask. If you don’t agree, say so. If you don’t like it, speak up. But never judge people behind their back.

3. Replace judgment with encouragement.
No one truly knows what they will do in a certain situation until they are actually in it. Yes, it’s very easy to judge someone else’s actions by what you assume your own actions would be if you were in their shoes. But you only know what you THINK you would do, not what you WOULD do.

The truth is, we tend to judge others by their actions and ourselves by our ideals. So do your best to catch yourself when this happens. Remember that when we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person, and everything about our own need to be critical.

Bottom line: We have enough critics in this world. Be an encourager. You’ll see why.

4. Be positive and spend time with positive people.
Happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. Raise your awareness to your own inner strength and positivity. You are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life. You can either give negativity power over your life, or you can choose to be positive instead by focusing on the great things that are truly important. So talk about your blessings more than you talk about your problems. Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. Every great success requires some kind of worthy struggle to get there.

In addition, do your best to spend more time with positive people and less time with negative ones. People that deliberately doubt, judge and disrespect you are not worth your long-term time and attention.

5. Make new choices as needed, rather than letting old ones make you.
You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who and what hurts you. After all, who we ultimately become depends, in part, on who and what we let into our lives. So don’t just settle for relationships and situations that have proven to be unworthy. Exercise your right to choose differently.

Be the hero of your life, not the victim. You may not control all the circumstances that happen to you, but you can decide not to be continuously reduced by the same ones.

6. Simplify whatever you can, whenever you can.
As E.F. Schumacher once said, “Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.”

Simplifying is not seeing how little you can get by with – that’s poverty – but how efficiently you can put first things first, and use your time accordingly to pursue the things that make a lasting difference in your life. Less really is more. Instead of adding, improve your life by subtracting. Get rid of unnecessary clutter, negative influences and toxic relationships. There is a big difference between what you want and what you need – between what’s excessive and what’s essential.

7. Uphold your truth.
Too many of us prefer gentle lies to hard truths. But make no mistake, in the end it’s better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie. Especially if this lie is tied to your identity in any way. Because you can pretend for a while, but you can’t get away from yourself. You can’t decide not to see and feel yourself anymore. You can’t decide to turn off the noise in your head and be someone else entirely.

Don’t try to be what “they” like – be who you are. The people worth spending time with are interested in others who are confident enough to be themselves. And that works out well, because you won’t be happy being anyone else.

8. Express your love without reservations.
Love is a verb. Act on it. Today, be the reason someone feels incredibly loved and needed. Give your love away like your life depends on it.

Many moons from now, people won’t remember what clothes you wore, the car you drove, and maybe not even your name. But they will remember how you made them feel and the positive memories you gave them. The true impact you make on people will depend on the time and attention you give to teaching those who know less, caring for those who have less, supporting those who are striving, and tolerating those who are different than you. All of which represent the full expression of your love.

9. Nurture your relationship with your significant other.
Intimate love is not just about finding the right person, but working with them to create the right relationship. It’s not about how much love you have in the beginning, but how much love you build and nurture until the end. A relationship should be healthy, caring, loving, kind, upbeat and positive. It should make your smile a little wider and your life a little brighter in the long run.

A relationship like this sounds great, but it isn’t easy. It takes time and attention, and two people who are willing to work together every day to build something special.

10. Loosen your grip on what’s not meant to fit in to your life.
Things will happen that you will not always understand, but maybe you’re not supposed to understand everything. Maybe you’re just supposed to have faith, accept it and let it happen.

So never force anything. Give it your best shot, and then let it be.

Most negative circumstances are only a part of your life because you keep thinking about them. Positive things happen in your life when you emotionally distance yourself from the negative things. So stop holding on to what hurts, and make room for what feels right. Don’t let what is out of your control interfere with all the things you can control.

11. Embrace your humanness.
“Human” is the only real label we are born with. Yet we forget so easily.

To become attached to an opinionated label of depressed, divorced, diseased, rejected, or poor, is to be like the rain, that doesn’t know it is also the clouds… or the ice, that forgets it is water. For we are far more than the shape we’re currently in. And we, like the wind, water, and sky, will change forms many times in our lives, while forever remaining beautifully human.

12. Ask yourself the right questions.
Voltaire once said, “Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.” This is such sound advice, because if you keep asking yourself the wrong questions, you will never get an answer you like.

What questions are you asking yourself? Are they helping you better understand your purpose? Or do they have your mind spinning in circles?

Truth be told, the questions you’re regularly exposed to act as guideposts that have a powerful influence on the direction of your life. And, not surprisingly, the questions you hear most often come directly from YOU. So instead of looking outside yourself for answers, start asking yourself the right questions. For instance…

  • “Who am I?”
  • “What do I need?”
  • “How do I function best?”
  • “What do I have to give?”
  • “What’s the next step I can take right now?”

It’s all about self-inquiries that help you stay true to your principles, pursue your desires, grow through adversity, and add value to the world around you.

 

Self-Love Techniques

I’ve decided it’s high time I become my own friend.

Self-Love… as in, actually giving a shit about myself, I think is probably the best way to achieve that.

So…. I took the top few Google entries from a search for “Practice self love” and decided to compile a list of things to do so I can increase my chances of actually liking myself.

    The first list was from Belief Net.

  • Tune into Your Body
    Respecting and honoring your needs includes knowing what’s happening with your body. But we often stop paying attention, especially when we’re pressed for time. To remind you, set an alarm on your phone for every hour or two hours, every day. When it dings, ask yourself how you’re feeling and how you can respond to your body. For instance, if you’re tense, you might give yourself a massage or stretch your body. If you’re agitated, you might take a few deep breaths, meditate or walk for 10 minutes.
  • Tune into Your Thoughts and Feelings
    Whether you sit down every day or week, journaling is a valuable way to access and process your thoughts and feelings. It can be as simple as answering, “Right now I am feeling…” or “Right now I am thinking…”
  • Live Your Dream
    Knowing and living your dreams is a great act of self-love. Put away the shoulds, and consider what you really love to do. What activities bring you joy? What are your aspirations? What would you do for free? What did you love as a child? You don’t have to overhaul your career to live your dreams. You can channel your dreams into your days, whether it’s penning a poem before work or painting in the evenings.
  • Practice Yoga (I’m thinking Tai Chi)
    Yoga is a safe and gentle way to reconnect with your body and your inner world. It also helps to cultivate kindness and acceptance. Practicing yoga isn’t about manipulating your body into a certain size. It’s about meeting your body and yourself where you are – and enjoying the movement and magic of your body.
  • Create One boundary
    Boundaries are crucial for healthy relationships. As author Rosie Molinary writes in her book, Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance, “There is never a day where it is better to be in a relationship that undermines, undercuts, manipulates, abuses or takes advantage of us than it is to be …in a relationship with ourselves that’s filled with self-love.”

    But if you’re a people pleaser, setting and sustaining boundaries can seem overwhelming, or worse, impossible. So commit to creating one boundary, and seeing it through. Start small. And remember, as Molinary writes, “Being good, as it turns out, isn’t about pleasing. Being good is about being just to others while also being true to yourself.”

  • Your Inner Critic
    That harsh inner voice that criticizes your body or your intellect or anything else about you isn’t being realistic or telling it like it is. It’s spewing lies. Your own voice is kind, supportive and loving. So whenever the inner critic strikes, recognize that these self-critical statements are untrue, and replace them with something truly realistic, helpful or compassionate.
  • Write a Love Note
    Many of us feel uncomfortable praising ourselves or even acknowledging anything remotely positive. But there’s nothing arrogant about appreciating yourself. (Don’t you appreciate your loved ones for their qualities?) Write a letter acknowledging your accomplishments, efforts and traits. If this is tough for you, put yourself in a friend’s shoes. What positive things would they say about you? Whenever you start to feel crummy, come back to this note.
  • Take Yourself Out
    Court yourself like you would a lover. What places do you love to visit? What activities put a smile on your face? What nourishes your soul? Spend time by yourself doing the things that make you happiest. In fact, go to your calendar right now, and schedule several dates this month. Every day self-love gives us an opportunity to tune into our needs and desires, and respond to them with care and compassion. It reminds us that we’re beautiful human beings, who make mistakes and try our best. Just like we love our family and friends unconditionally, we can learn to love ourselves without requirements or shoulds, one step and supportive perspective at a time.
    MindBodyGreen was the next link that popped up in the search.

  • 1. Create a self-love ritual.

    Turn off the TV and unplug from social media for 15 minutes to get centered while self-pampering. My favorite way to do this is to moisturize my skin with intention. As I massage my feet I thank them for getting me to where I need to go; as I moisturize my hands I love them for all the transactions and introductions they’ve helped me with throughout my life. I stop taking my body and my life for granted and relish how blessed I am while showering myself with gratitude.

    2. Build a precious community.

    As much as we would like to think we can, we can’t do everything ourselves. You need the support and love from people around you to stay motivated and on track. Positive energy is contagious, so whether you’re building a network or planning to go to a fun event, it’s always important to have a community you value around you regularly.

    3. Make a “What’s Working for Me” list.

    You always hear that to love someone else you must first learn to love yourself. But In order to really love yourself sometimes you have to recognize all the love you have around you. One of the practices I do when I’m feeling down is to go within and acknowledge what’s really working, then make a “What’s Working for Me” list. Once you see it on paper and accept all of the positivity in your life, it will make it that much easier to love yourself.

    4. Know that your body is a loving vessel.

    Treating your body like a loving vessel will not only boost your self-love, but also your energy. Be intentional about what you put into your body, not only because you want to look good but because you want to feel good. Feeding your body nutrient-rich foods will have you oozing love out of every pore.

    5. Clean out your closet.

    This may be more therapeutic than you initially think. Cleaning out your closet will help you not only clean your room up a bit, but will positively affect your mind. Getting rid of old things will make room for new things to come in to your life! Cleansing your mind can sometimes work in the form of letting go of clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc. that remind you of a certain time in your life that links to a negative vibration. Don’t chase what’s already happened; love yourself enough to know the best is yet to come.

    6. No more comparisons.

    We’ve all done it. Browsed through social media only to see our favorite media personalities in the middle of a photo shoot for their new books, just after they had awesome shopping sprees and right before the post about their engagements. WHAT!? I know it’s hard to look at so many positive pics on the Internet, or even in your own life, and know that everyone has bad days. The next time you want to browse the web for reasons to feel bad about yourself, remember that you are perfect just the way you are; being in a pattern of compare and despair only makes you focus on the negative, when there’s SO much to be grateful for.

    7. Explore your spirituality.

    Faith is the foundation for self-love, no matter what you believe. Believing in something opens up your soul to the beauty of belief and trust. It will build your intuition and help you make decisions based on your gut. When you explore your spirituality it will also take you on a journey to learning things about yourself and those new thoughts, feelings, passions, and raw emotions will make you appreciate yourself for being authentically you.

    8. Do something you’re good at.

    If this isn’t the ultimate self-esteem booster, I don’t know what is! Self-esteem and self-love often go hand in hand, and participating in a hobby you’re good at will not only boost your endorphins, but will bring out the best version of you. If you love to cook, then cook! If you love to run, then grab those sneakers, head outside and run for your life.

    9. Find your happy place.

    Think of a place that makes it simple to just be. That means being able to sit quietly and embrace the here and now. Not thinking about what’s due at work or what bills need to be paid, you owe this happy place to yourself. Self-love is all about connecting with yourself, and one of the easiest places to do that is your happy place.

    10. Build your letting go muscle.

    We’re constantly holding on to things in our past, and it can tend to weigh heavy on our souls and even give us low self-esteem. The more blocks we clear, the more we can really live big in the area of self-love. Although we may do this as a way to protect ourselves from hurting, it’s really only holding us back from moving forward to reaching optimal self-acceptance and loving who weoare.

    Tiny Buddha (unsurprisingly – to me, anyhow) popped up in the list

  • 1. Make a list of your accomplishments.

    I guarantee there have been many. Nobel prize nominations are not required. The fact that you bake amazing pies or are the person your friends always call when they want a sympathetic ear are great examples; so are getting a degree or knowing how to change your car’s oil.

    Refer to this list when you are feeling not so special. Soak in all the cool stuff you’ve achieved and remind yourself how awesome you are. Personally, I love the reminder that I was voted “most unique” in high school.

    2. Learn something new.

    You don’t have to become an expert on an entire subject (unless that’s appealing). Learn how to say “have a nice day” in German (“Habt einen schönen tag!”), check out a Ted talk, or hit up Wikipedia’s “random article” link until you find something interesting.

    Pointing our focus toward something outside of ourselves is stimulating; it also expands our world and our perspective. Additionally, learning makes your brain happy.

    3. Ask your very best friend/partner/favorite family member what they love about you and specifically how you are amazing.

    Take note of what they say and refer to it later when you are feeling a bit unloved. While our view of ourselves is of primary importance (it is about self-love, after all), it’s always nice to hear some complimentary words from someone we love whose opinion we respect.

    Let me be super-clear: I am not talking about the “friend” who is actually a frenemy, or the family member who insists on subtly criticizing your life choices. This question is reserved for one of your very favorite people who happens to feel the very same way toward you.

    4. Put your focus on others with small acts of kindness.

    If I’m having a self-critical day, my tendency is to want to turn inward and pay little attention to the outside world (and expend my energy getting down on myself—not very useful). Instead of allowing that, I will make an effort to chat with people I come across and offer a kind word; I’ll be a more considerate driver; I’ll make a point of saying “hi” to people I don’t know.

    For me, focusing on others serves as a simple reminder that we are all connected, as well as sending the message to my system that playing the introvert and self-criticizing is not acceptable to me.

    5. And sometimes, turn inward.

    I trust myself enough to know when I just need an hour or two of nothing. No email, internet, or other diversions—just me and a cup of something, hanging out, plotting my future, thinking about what I want, where I’m going, and how I’m going to get there.

    For me, this is like hitting a re-set button. It clears my brain of some of the clutter, alleviates some of the negative internal dialogue, and leaves me feeling motivated and renewed. Meditation is great. So is a half-hour in a coffee shop sans boss and kids. Both can be incredibly fulfilling. Do whatever works for you.

    6. Put on your most-loved music and dance.

    Its an incredibly basic concept, but oh so easy, super fun, and all good baby. I defy you to feel bad after your endorphin-pumping, stress-relieving, body-moving, shamelessly personalized dance party for one.

    7. Practice self-care.

    The most effective tool I use to avoid the not-so-great-in-the-self-love-department days is regular self-care. I engage in many small acts of self-care, with occasional larger ones thrown in.

    Getting up early enough to enjoy my morning coffee; scheduling myself in a way that doesn’t cause my head to explode when I look at my calendar for the day; making sure my refrigerator is well-stocked so I don’t end up having olives and old celery for dinner—these details work for me and support me in feeling strong and solid.

    I simply feel better about myself when my life is running smoothly. And since I’m the one running my life, the responsibility to make it so is mine.

  • Remember: While we are all connected, and in many ways are the same, you are the only you there is. You are unique, amazing, and special. Revel in it, ‘cause you rock.

    Psychology Today was next up on the search.

    Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept much better our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less need to explain away our short-comings, have compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts.

    Here is my Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love.

  • Become mindful.
    People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel and want. They are mindful of who they are and act on this knowledge, rather than on what others want for them.

    Act on what you need rather than what you want.
    You love yourself when you can turn away from something that feels good and exciting to what you need to stay strong, centered, and moving forward in your life, instead. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic behavior patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self-love.

    Practice good self-care.
    You will love yourself more, when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions.

    Set boundaries.
    You’ll love yourself more when you set limits or say no to work, love, or activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally and spiritually, or express poorly who you are.

    Protect yourself.
    Bring the right people into your life. I love the term frenemies that I learned from my younger clients. It describes so well the type of “friends” who take pleasure in your pain and loss rather than in your happiness and success. My suggestion to you here: Get rid of them! There isn’t enough time in your life to waste on people who want to take away the shine on your face that says, “I genuinely love myself and life”. You will love and respect yourself more.

    Forgive yourself.
    We humans can be so hard on ourselves. The downside of taking responsibility for our actions is punishing ourselves too much for mistakes in learning and growing. You have to accept your humanness (the fact that you are not perfect), before you can truly love yourself. Practice being less hard on yourself when you make a mistake. Remember, there are no failures, if you have learned and grown from your mistakes; there are only lessons learned.

    Live intentionally.
    You will accept and love yourself more, whatever is happening in your life, when you live with purpose and design. Your purpose doesn’t have to be crystal clear to you. If your intention is to live a meaningful and healthy life, you will make decisions that support this intention, and feel good about yourself when you succeed in this purpose. You will love yourself more if you see yourself accomplishing what you set out to do. You need to establish your living intentions, to do this.

  • If you choose just one or two of these self-love actions to work on, you will begin to accept and love yourself more. Just imagine how much you’ll appreciate you when you exercise these seven-steps to self-love. It is true that you can only love a person as much as you love yourself. If you exercise all of the actions of self-love that I describe here, you will allow and encourage others to express themselves in the same way. The more self-love you have for yourself, the better prepared you are for healthy relating. Even more, you will start to attract people and circumstances to you that support your well-being.

I’m gonna end this here… I’m tired, and I simply don’t wanna do anymore cut/paste right now.

 

8 Solutions for Loneliness That Don’t Require a Romantic Relationship

Methods of avoiding actually dealing with the loneliness:

  • Workaholism
  • Cape n Tights (trying to be everyone else’s savior)
  • Personal Neglect
  • Social isolation
  • Victimhood

Methods of confronting Loneliness:

  1. Connect through your sports, hobbies, passions or interests.

    Meet likeminded people who share something that you also love. They will make time for you; other people already have full calendars.

  2. Borrow or adopt a dog and go walking.

    People talk to people with dogs.

  3. Talk to senior citizens.

    They have plenty of wisdom, time, and advice that they can share. By listening, you are also validating them as well as yourself.

  4. Expect it to be challenging.

    It may be difficult for you, but don’t give up. Keep going but start with the easiest options first.

  5. Find out why you feel lonely.

    Perhaps there is some bitterness, resentment, or guilt that you are carrying around. It is time to forgive yourself and others so that you have the best chance possible to connect with yourself and others.

  6. Celebrate.

    Develop new routines and rituals to celebrate special occasions and reward your new healthy behaviors.

  7. Be brave.

    It takes courage and persistence to overcome your bad habits—but it all starts with you, not someone else. Ask for help, seek some guidance, but take full responsibility for your happiness.

  8. Dream big.

    Visualize what you want in the future and watch it materialize. Keep your vision sharp and clear.

    Can you see how none of these suggest finding a partner or fixing the one you have? Isn’t that liberating? By connecting through various people, activities, or regular commitments, you are no longer dependent on a partner to complete you or help you overcome your feelings of loneliness.

And you may just find that when you are no longer lonely, you will be happy—with or without a partner.

Originally found here

 

Initiating Relationships

Often, we can learn much about ourselves from the people to whom we are attracted.

As we progress through recovery, we learn we can no longer form relationships solely on the basis of attraction. We learn to be patient, to allow ourselves to take into account important facts, and to process information about that person.

What we are striving for in recovery is a healthy attraction to people. We allow ourselves to be attracted to who people are, not to their potential or to what we hope they are.

The more we work through our family of origin issues, the less we will find ourselves needing to work through them with the people we’re attracted to. Finishing our business from the past helps us form new and healthier relationships.

The more we overcome our need to be excessive caretakers, the less we will find ourselves attracted to people who need to be constantly taken care of.

The more we learn to love and respect ourselves, the more we will become attracted to people who will love and respect us and who we can safely love and respect.

This is a slow process. We need to be patient with ourselves. The type of people we find ourselves attracted to does not change overnight. Being attracted to dysfunctional people can linger long and well into recovery. That does not mean we need to allow it to control us. The fact is, we will initiate and maintain relationships with people we need to be with until we learn what it is we need to learn – no matter how long we’ve been recovering.

No matter who we find ourselves relating to, and what we discover happening in the relationship, the issue is still about us, and not about the other person. That is the heart, the hope, and the power of recovery.

We can learn to take care of ourselves during the process of initiating and forming relationships. We can learn to go slowly. We can learn to pay attention. We can allow ourselves to make mistakes, even when we know better.

We can stop blaming our relationships on God and begin to take responsibility for them. We can learn to enjoy the healthy relationships and remove ourselves more quickly from the dysfunctional ones.

We can learn to look for what’s good for us, instead of what’s good for the other person.

God, help me pay attention to my behaviors during the process of initiating relationships. Help me take responsibility for myself and learn what I need to learn. I will trust that the people I want and need will come into my life. I understand that if a relationship is not good for me, I have the right and ability to refuse to enter into it – even though the other person thinks it may be good for him or her. I will be open to the lessons I need to learn about me in relationships, so I am prepared for the best possible relationships with people.

Originally found here

 

The One: 10 Traits Your Ideal Soul Mate Should Have

Finding your soul mate is basically finding that one person (arguably one of several) who has the right traits – traits that are relevant to you as an individual. In other words: You have to find a person whom you can put up with and who, more importantly, can put up with you.

Plus all that lovey-dovey stuff, of course. If love isn’t much more than the way that you perceive a person, then you need to find someone who you can perceive as being amazing for as long as you live. Just as importantly, you need to find a person who can put up with all of your sh*t.

Because, let’s be honest, we all have a lot of sh*t that our soul mates will need to put up with. Here are 10 traits that your soul mates should have and that, ipso facto, you should have in his or her eyes: Read the rest of this entry »

 

What have I given up on?

I was just wondering: What have I “given up on” because of messages I perceived from other people? That is being completely unfair to myself, and I want to reclaim those things. I need those things back, because I want to reclaim WHO I AM. I want to step back into being the person I slowly started poisoning when my perception of other people’s reality became more important to me than I am to me.

So…. here goes.

I’ve given up on:

  • being a father
  • being a worthy romantic partner
  • being a trusted confidant to my friends
  • being wanted as a friend for my interests
  • having opinions that matter
  • having value for my wisdom and perspective
  • believing I am worthy of others’ time

I’m through with those beliefs. Finished. Done.

I am willing to accept that I don’t need to be any of those things to anyone. But those who acknowledge those parts of me will have priority over those that ignore them. I will not settle any longer.

I’m stepping back into being myself. You can choose to join me on my journey, but don’t stand in the way. No quarter.
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