Learning, & the story  no one wants to hear

A couple days ago, I got a notion in my head that I should do some Window Shopping Therapy. I ended up at Best Buy, & was browsing the used games for PS3.
For whatever reason, I started looking at the display of XBox Ones and PS4s. After half an hour of talking with two sales reps, I walked out with an XBox.
I couldn’t get my external hard drive to link up to it, & it wasn’t designed as a standalone media player anyways. Took it back the next day & brought home a Playstation.
PS4, I was able to get music & videos to play from the hard drive, eventually.  It won’t play video files without an internet connection at all. The music files, it doesn’t read the metadata – which means absolutely no sorting whatsoever.
I’m probably (like 99% certain) gonna return the PS4.
Usually I won’t buy anything at all when I know I’m out on a retail therapy tour. This is why.


Friday Surprise

I got home from work on Friday, & my neighbor (Todd) caught me in the parking lot. “You’re in for a surprise,” he says.

The apartment adjacent to mine (Richard’s) burnt to a shell around noon that day. The fire department kicked my doors in to see where the fire was, even though Todd had already directed them to Richard’s outside-access door.


It’s Sunday morning now & it took me that long to realize they’d shut off the gas lines to the building – yeah, I have no experience with house fires.

So… yeah. I wanna take a shower & wash my clothes.


Zen Pencils: The gift of life

Wonderful point of interest for me


Losing my Hope for staying innocent

Humble and helpless and
Learning to pray
Praying for visions
To show me the way

Show me the way to forgive you
Allow me to let it go
Allow me to be forgiven
Show me the way to let go

Illuminate the way
I’m just praying for you to show me where I’m to begin

Hoping to
Reconnect to you


New Beginning

I’m going to try starting some New Stuff. I want to re-boot my life, in a sense. Starting with my recovery.

I decided to finish a book I began a while ago, The Tao of Sobriety.

I picked up where I left off (which is Chapter 2). One paragraph jumped out at me right away:

Some people successfully give up drugs without becoming particularly enlightened. They end up sober but somber! From our perspective they have only handled half the problem. The goal of the scheme we propose is to create positive effects that spread, creating satisfaction and appropriateness in all areas of life: self, family, physical health, finances, work, play, and community. Denying or avoiding pain and discomfort is not the same as gaining mastery over it or becoming light about life. Denial and avoidance can be side effects of drug use; enlightenment is the opposite end of the spectrum.

This is still a huge issue for me; I’m creeping up on ten years “sober but somber.”

I want very much to lighten up.




Forget relationships and learn how to relate.

Once you are in a relationship you start taking each other for granted — that’s what destroys all love affairs. The woman thinks she knows the man, the man thinks he knows the woman. Nobody knows either! It is impossible to know the other, the other remains a mystery. And to take the other for granted is insulting, disrespectful.

To think that you know your wife is very, very ungrateful. How can you know the woman? How can you know the man? They are processes, they are not things. The woman that you knew yesterday is not there today. So much water has gone down the Ganges; she is somebody else, totally different. Relate again, start again, don’t take it for granted.

And the man that you slept with last night, look at his face again in the morning. He is no more…

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Posted by on 2014/11/23 in Uncategorized


Totally non-deep

I’ve recently discovered the comedic genius of How I Met Your Mother. There’ve been a lot of great episodes, but I just watched what’ll likely end up being my favorite. The Bro Mitzvah (S08E22) is fricking hilarious!

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Posted by on 2014/11/13 in Non-meditation, personal


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